Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
4 words: hood of his car
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
