? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
