She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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