You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So vagazzling was a success
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
