Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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