I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
