She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
