We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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