I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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