i would punch a child for taco bell
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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