Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ugly people sure do ruin things
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
