I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
