I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
