i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
