i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
