high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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