i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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