jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
