i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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