Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
