im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
