Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
