apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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