Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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