yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
