good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize