he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
