woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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