Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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