I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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