$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
