Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
