He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
