i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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