last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
