Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He better not be in your backpack
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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