around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize