I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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