"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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