He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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