Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
