it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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