hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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