Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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