i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize