Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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