i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
