Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
