all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
