You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
