i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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