when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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