Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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