someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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