Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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