my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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