u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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