Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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