Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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