I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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