Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
