just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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