Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
